Lost in Shadow Part 2 : The Loss, the Influencer, The Mystic in the Mirror, and the Fallen Jesuit Cross

 

In part 1 I tried to summarize lots of things earlier in life and what was leading to shocking events in 2025 which we will arrive at soon. None of the pictures in part 2 are mine.

 

2023 was not as good as 2022. There were some major setbacks, almost like the dark saw me happier in 2022 and said we have to stop this. I tried connecting with other light workers online and that was terrible. A young woman connected with me online acting like it was very important and completely ghosted me for some reason which bothered me for a while. My intuition was right. Forget friends and women, just do day to day things and have faith in the light. The event will happen and the light will intervene in my life and help me make things right. 

 

Lady was fairly healthy till about 14 but started getting pretty bad by 15 and was put down at16 years old in November 2023. She suffered for a while but my parents didnt want to let her go and my older sister came down and did it for them. There was a bad energy in the yard where she was buried and she did suffer for a while before the end. They didnt even tell me they were taking her when it happened and I felt bad. My sister and father also put down the two boar hogs that were kept in yard. They had become like pets and I felt so bad. I fed them chocolate ice cream the night before and prayed to the light to make it quick and painless and it does seem that it was.

 

December 2023 my mother brought my grandmother home. She had dementia and had to be cared for constantly. It was supposed to be two weeks to a month here and then the same time with other family but they never helped and its all been on us ever since. There are always people like my mother or nurses going in and out of my grandmothers room. I have very sensitive hearing so it got very noisy throughout 2024. I am very energy sensitive and having a suffering elderly woman in the house next to my bedroom along with everyone else and their questionable injections the energy did not feel right. I dont hold it against my grandmother but my mother has been worse towards me during all of this.

 

I had stones to help protect Hercules which I had to bring back into my room and I now feel guilty about doing so. I was a bit more on edge as a result of these things and it became much harder to do what I was doing in 2022. I could not focus on the spiritual practices I have as well or even just a meal I like and a movie to get my mind off of things with all the noise and bad energy in the house. 

 

I was not as effective at holding light, envisioning the event, energy healing and clearing, or shadow work because of all this. I have suffered much of my life with trouble concentrating and an inner chaos with the racing thoughts and frustration and negative emotions. It is a battle controlling it and it was made more difficult. To make matters worse I noticed when I was not as calm and level Hercules would receive brutal attacks so I had to always remind myself when my mind was in a state of chaos to stop for Hercules's sake. 

 

At some point in 2024, I am not sure if I even recorded the date, I was walking out of my room in the early afternoon. I could see the kitchen and next to it the living room and on the far side of the house was the master bedroom. A very real presence came out of the master bedroom and looked into the living room and towards me. I felt it go back into the bedroom. Hercules felt the same thing and slowly walked towards the room, entered, and looked inside. He came out with a very curious look on his face. He wasnt growling or barking and he didnt look scared. I didnt feel it was hostile so I think we felt the same thing. No one else was in the house.

 

I am not a fan of the obsession with smart phones and social media and the influencers. The latest trends like clothes, hair, slang, or the latest music or movies is about making money off of the masses while controlling them. They keep getting software updates to their brains and their consciousness and their attention is held in one place so its not on other things. When you see lots of people doing something it is often a red flag.

 

Youtube has a way of recommending things I would normally not watch and they did so in spring 2024 with a certain influencer. This influencer didnt seem so bad and seemed almost a bit alone and isolated like myself and I felt bad for her. I have nothing against her these are just my experiences and thoughts and what I went through. I am still open to the possibility that she is a good person and has some importance to me.

 

My loneliness and isolation got to me and I started imagining meeting her and us really getting along well and it becoming serious. I wanted the world to get better and to find love and companionship so badly. She looked good on top of that and was into fitness like I am. I watched some of her videos and started getting feelings for her which has never happened to me with any online personality. I have only had feelings for people I knew in real life and even then it was rare. 

 

There was also a huge distance between me and this influencer as well as very different lives. I dont even know them and have never met them or talked to them. I felt foolish. I saw it happening and decided to stop and forget about her which I did for a while although it comes back later in the story. I told myself there is no way that she is a part of my soul family or my twin soul, things I really wanted, and to drop it. I did wonder if I was supposed to start becoming aware of and establishing contact with soul family and if it was the reason why I was drawn to her.

 

December 2024 I had a lot of trouble with sleep and I also got kind of obsessed with getting the best deal with some purchases. I felt terrible for a while. Two of our chickens died and I felt so bad but it wasnt my fault. My mother put them up those nights so I thought they all went into the coop but she was under a lot of stress with my grandmother so didnt notice a missing chicken on these two occasions. My mind was constantly racing which it has always done and I did not have it under control so I didnt think to double check for her. 

 

I even thought I heard and felt something needing help and I even looked outside but heard and saw nothing. One hen was just a pile of black feathers. Something must of killed it in the night. I said I was sorry that she died, said a prayer, and tried to bury every single feather I could in a little grave, which I did. A week or so later the other one died after being left out at night and my father found some of it and buried it. 

 

After I made some of the purchases I got some sleep one night and awoke with a feeling of emptiness and dread. I wasnt even aware of the second chickens death at this point but I wonder if it played a role. They are like pets. I had very negative and hopeless thoughts filling my head as I laid there. 

 

Back in 2019 which was not a great year for me I read the book Padre Pio The True Story. Padre Pio was a Capuchin priest and a very mystical figure all around. So many things jumped out at me as I read it including a number of similarities that I wondered if I was him in a past life or at least had been influenced by him or was a similar type of figure with all of my own mystical experiences and dreadful attacks by the dark, much like Pio. 

 

As I laid in bed I almost laughed at myself as very dark thoughts started slowly going through my mind. None of this will ever change. I will be alone and isolated forever and there is no hope for me. I was never Pio or anyone important and never will be. I had started thinking of that influencer again in late 2024 and the feelings for her were coming back. My dark thoughts told me she is nothing and no one to me and would never love or care for someone like me. Its just fantasy and delusion. No one wants me. There is no one in this world for me. My life is a sick humiliation ritual and a joke. It was a lot more than just the influencer. I felt so alone and isolated. I was filled with such hopelessness and despair and I quietly started sobbing. 

 

After a while I didnt feel as bad and decided to go to the grocery store before it closed. I got up after crying and felt better and much lighter than I had in a long time along with clear thoughts and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and felt even lighter and I felt a gentle but powerful benevolent energy. As this happened I saw my image change and merge with another face right before my eyes just for a few seconds. It was the face of Padre Pio when he was young and had just became a priest with short hair and some light beard that had not filled in enough to cover much of his face.

 

I dont want to definitively say who I was in past lives but I am leaving that door open because it is possible, especially after the above experience. It could mean that even if I am not him I am of the same archetype as Pio, the mystic. I have went through similar experiences as he did and I feel a sort of kinship for mystics like him. As far as the influencer being an important person in my future I dont know but I am leaving that door open as well. More on her later in the post.

 

 

The above picture is of a young Padre Pio. I looked into the mirror and saw him staring back but also myself. My appearance is not far off from Pio. It was a subtle but profound change in my appearance and energy.

 

Christmas 2024 came and went. We lost another chicken but to health issues this time so it wasnt as bad. I gave her the most compassionate burial possible...for a chicken at least. I had high hopes for the event in January 2025 which didnt happen. February was a little off feeling from January. By February 20th I started feeling really bad. There is a general tarot reader on youtube I watch even thought the majority of that stuff is nonsense but this one seemed to have her finger on the pulse so to speak. She said she had a heavy reading for my astrology sign involving the loss of a pet. I looked at two other of her videos for my moon and ascendant signs and it was the same. 

 

I started feeling really off energy wise. It was like in 2021 where I couldnt eat much because eating anything just made me feel heavy and nauseous. I was lucky I had made some yogurt and juice protein drinks and was well stocked because that was about the only food I ate outside of forcing down one tiny meal a day. I would go outside with the dog and sit or lie in the grass and try and do energy work, contemplation, or just stillness practice. I felt nature but also a deep enormous emptiness and sadness too, again just like in 2021. The thoughts of Jesus the night before his crucifixion came to mind again like in 2021 with the emptiness and despair. I thought of it and even the 'Father why have you forsaken me' came to mind more than once. 

 

 

 

The dog had always had ups and downs and his walk had been slightly off for years but the vet always said he was fine. He seemed worse. A few days after all this started I gave him a great meal at night which was a bit of kibble for filler, some beef, and an egg cracked over it all. The yolks have tons of nutrition and he always looked healthier and happier with meals like this. We went for a walk which was nice and he seemed a bit off but not that bad. My mother came back from a trip with my sister who had been visiting and noticed the dog didnt get up to greet them and was very still. 

 

My sister checked on him and his gums had no color which was a sign of internal bleeding. My mother who was very stressed out taking care of my grandmother just reached down and pushed the dog trying to slide him on the tile floor out of the way so she could get my grandmother to bed. When she did this the dog let out a sort of eerie howl and groaning sound that started low and just kept going and got slowly louder and louder. 

 

I heard from the other side of the house and walked through the living and dining room towards the back door where the dog was. The howl was like someone crying out for help while in extreme pain and shock. He was trying to get up but couldnt get his legs underneath him to stand. His head was up and the howl at this point was so loud and painful that his eyes were bugging out of his head as he made eye contact with me. His front legs stuck straight out forward and his back legs backwards at the worst of it and he started rolling onto his side as he urinated and defecated on the floor. He was clearly in a lot of pain. It was so horrible to see. I opened the door to try and get him outside. I had never seen him do this and it was so shocking.

 

We wrapped a towel around him and my mother who became angry and hysterical started up with weird theories about the neighbors poisoning the dog and other things. My sister and I who were trying to do something for the dog kept telling her to stop so she did it more because she is so immature. I went outside and laid down with the dog still wrapped in the towel who was very calm and still at this point and told him I was sorry and how much I loved him as I held him and kissed the top of his head. I had to stop typing just now because I started crying. He was my only friend in this world and I have nothing and no one and I dont know why I still have to be here. I want to be positive but this is how it is. 

 

After a few minutes they decided to take him to the emergency clinic. We put him in the back of one of the trucks and they went inside. I sat in the back with him and he looked up at me and looked somewhat like he normally did and I held him again, kissed him on top of the head, told him how much I loved him, and that I hoped he would make it as I held him. We closed the back hatch of the truck and he gave me a concerned and sad look through the window like he knew we would be separated. He used to do the same as a younger dog when I would leave after visiting him. 

 

They left and my mother came back. He had a big tumor on his liver that the vets had missed over many visits even though they charge tons of money to give toxic shots and pills to the dogs which cause the tumors. The tumor caused something to rupture which is why he lost most of his blood. My mother pushing on his stomach must of been so painful for him that he couldnt hide it. She asked if I wanted to see him before they put him down and I said okay. We went and she made three wrong turns on the way which was so frustrating because she had just been there. She tried to make a u turn and drove over this huge curb like she had never driven before. We eventually got there. 

 

They wheeled him in and he was very excited to see us and they had to sedate him. He laid there half asleep and we held him and sobbed and just tried to comfort him as much as we could and control the sobbing so we could be as comforting to him as possible. I pet and scratched under his neck and if I would stop he would try to pick his head up until I started again. He was such a good dog and looked so peaceful and happy that we were there. He was like a little brother and the only one I could hold and show love to for a long time and they were about to kill him. All the attacks he had taken for me took their toll and I still feel guilty and cry if I think about it.

 

After maybe thirty minutes or so they came in to put him down. I could not be there for that and he picked his head up and looked at me as I walked out and sat in the parking lot and cried and wondered why it was happening and why I had to be here. There was nothing and no one here, not even my dog. Why couldnt the light beings get me out of here? 

 

I now know what people go through when they are devastated after losing pets. I had to stop and sob around the part where he was going to be euthanized and it was the type of sobbing where you lean forward, hang your head, and your core muscles lock up and you cant breathe. You lose all control of yourself.

 

Years ago, around the time I had my younger friends which would place me in my early twenties, there was a neighbor who may of had some kind of mental illness. She seemed friendly and would wave high and do some sign language but didnt speak and had some cats. They were probably very important to her. I walked past her house one day and one of the cats was dead in the street. 

 

I would have told her but there were no cars on the driveway so she probably wasnt home. It had probably been hit by a car and I didnt want another car to run over its body and her come home to what may of felt like her child flattened in the street so I picked it up. Its bones felt like broken glass. I set in on the driveway and started walking away but thought of her coming home and running over the cats body on the driveway so I went back and put it in the yard where it would be visible. That cat could have meant so much to her.

 

Getting back to Hercules at the emergency pet clinic, the clinic staff eventually wrapped him in a sheet and put him in the back of the truck. My mother decided to shop at the grocery store on the way back which was ridiculous. She said it would be a few minutes but it was more like forty five. I didnt want to be in the store so I had to stay out with the dog. There is something really wrong with her but because of money constraints I cannot leave. Rent is crazy expensive, matrix roommates are terrible, and so are nine to five jobs. Its actually not as bad in my current situation versus the matrix society so why change it. 

 

Later that night I went for a walk and came back home to find my father burying the dog. Hercules looked so peaceful. I wanted to lay down and hold him. We buried him together.

 

My feeling of cold emptiness, hopelessness, and the inability to eat much or enjoy anything that had already been there for a few days lasted about another week or so. Afterwards I checked my weight and my strength and it was exactly the same. I tried to get back into my usual routines the best I could and keep thoughts and reoccurring negative thought loops at bay. 

 

Being calm or happy would bring up memories or scenarios with very bad people I had encountered. Anything to do with loneliness or a desire for companionship would bring up thoughts of the certain influencer. Wanting to die and end all of this would bring up memories and scenarios of the vampire I encountered as a child. My life has been a back and forth of holding the light and then battling inner chaos and darkness (and literal dark entities) as far back as I can remember and this was no exception. 

 

The doctors and staff at the emergency clinic mailed a card with Hercules's paw prints and some personal messages. I think it arrived in late February or early March sometime. That night my mother and father went out to eat, maybe with my older sister if she was still here (I dont remember). I waited till they left and read the card because I knew what was going to happen. They had blue green ink, almost emerald, paw prints from Hercules in the card. A couple of the messages were I am sorry for your loss. One said Hercules will forever be your angel. May he rest in peace. I started walking around the house sobbing as I read that one. It was pretty bad. I am crying as I read it and am typing it out now. I can type with my eyes closed.

 

It has a quote: "Many will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.". One of the reasons I sob on the angel comment above is because I know he was taking attacks from the dark for me and because of me. That dark figure looming over him said it all. I am sobbing now. I cant help it. I feel such guilt. 

 

For about a week I cried twice a day, one of these at night where he is buried. After that it varied but was usually once a day. For a while I stopped but lately its started again. I have cried more in the last two months that in probably the last twenty years. Its probably not just the dog but a lot of other stuff coming out too.

 

In March I made some small investments and we had internet problems right after. This has happened many times before. I would take part in mass meditations and we would have internet problems. My fathers business line would go down and people would come out to fix it and it would go down again the next day. When they did fix something they would mess up something else and couldnt find out what was wrong for a while. His internet tv would go out and he would be frustrated. Computers would go. 

 

I wanted all the thought loops of evil narcissistic people I encountered to end for good. I wanted the thoughts of the influencer to leave me (nothing personal to her she never harmed me in any way, I wish her well), and the thoughts of the vampire to go for good too. It is my inner chaos or storm as I like to call it; all of the racing thoughts with numerous details, vivid experiences and possible scenarios, and my shadow side flying through my mind with an incredible intensity along with my resolve and leanings towards the light molding it into something I can understand and dissipate. This happens while I am doing day to day things like cooking, reading, mowing grass, speaking to people, etc. Its amazing I can concentrate on anything. I am finally learning to control it and calm it down.

 

On March 13th to the 14th there was another bloodmoon just like the one I had watched with Hercules in 2019. I think it started late at night here on the east coast of the US and ended sometime in the morning before sunrise. I went out late to walk and thought of the previous bloodmoon and how the dog was gone. I watched it for a while and walked a mile or so and went back home. Everything was still again. The traffic far away was not as noisy. My parents had went to bed early that night just like last time. I watched a bit more and went inside.

 

I had a dream sometime in March where I was moving down a black corridor that had sort of an industrial and military look. Dividing this corridor in two was what may of been bullet proof glass. On the other side was the influencer. We had spoken about something and she said Yeah okay I will come find you. We seemed friendly with each other. I had the same kind of dream with the vampire years ago. 

 

In early April I had a strange experience where I went on to youtube and the first thing they recommended was a video of the influencer even though I am not subscribed to her and do not watch her videos. I got a very bad feeling and scrolled past. I went to sleep and woke up with a really bad feeling about our chickens. One had been killed so my feeling was right on. Because the influencer had sort of been involved hours before I took a chance and sent her a brief message but I dont know if she even saw it.

 

It is so unlike me. I have been a ghost in society, very unknown and almost off grid. To society I may as well not even exist. I never contact people unless it was spreading truth or occult info with those who would listen and were starting to wake up. I have repeatedly asked the higher ups for guidance and clarity on this young woman but I still feel lost.

 

We also had a surprise visit from family in mid April which derailed my day to day routine and various practices. I communicated with someone online about another investment and our computer broke that night and had to be replaced. Of course. 

 

As of mid to late April I am getting back on track somewhat with day to day things and holding the light, having faith in the light and the event, and letting go of all things friends and women oriented. It only brought me pain before. I am still open to love and contact with soul family and my twin soul whoever they may be. 

 

 

 

Around Tuesday April 15th, I cannot recall the exact date, around late afternoon I was indoors and near the back door of the house. There was a strange noise by the back doors. It sounded like sort of a pop and a clanging against the window panes of the doors followed by a metallic sound. I wasnt sure if someone was trying to break in but I saw no one on the outside patio by the doors so I went over to investigate. 

 

We use one of the double doors to go in and out. The other is there to be opened if you need more room to move large objects like furniture through the doorway. We never use the extra door so my father has some boxes stored along the wall nearby with some sticking out in front of the unused door. My mother has some things stuck to the unused glass pane door like a plastic dove, a dog and crescent moon with Lady's name on it, as well as a Jesuit IHS cross. She is very Catholic. They stick to the glass with a rubber suction cup. 

 

The Jesuit cross had fallen and had made clanging noises against the window panes on the way down. As it tumbled it hit the wooden door at the bottom, hit a box, and then landed on the metal divider in front of the door which is made the strange metallic sound. I have learned to question random and to normal people seemingly coincidental occurrences. The Jesuit cross suddenly fell leading to confusion at first but then made total sense soon after. I dont know if the globalists will fall soon but I hope this was an omen that they will fall this year ideally sooner rather than later. 

 

I found out later on April 21st that pope Francis, also a Jesuit, died and Klaus Schwab may of resigned as head of the world economic forum. Earlier that morning sometime after sunrise I awoke to a small shadow spider entity up in the air in my room. I didnt feel that threatened by it and went back to sleep. I awoke again and there was a fairly small sort of crisscross shape made of black shadow and I again didnt feel threatened. This is unique because I have not seen visible dark paranormal entities in a while. They seemed fairly weak. I thought of compression breakthrough. What is left of the dark is being compressed and what is left of their cabal is weakening too. Maybe the fall of the dark and the light event will happen soon. 

 

The cross fell again on May 2nd. I will wait and see if anything cabal related happens in the news.